Go Ahead and Cry
by Ellivia22
Summary: When Cody returns home from the Mathlympics, he finds Zack still struggling with his break up with Maya. In efforts to console his brother, Cody lets Zack know it's okay to show emotion; okay to cry. Zack/Cody NOT twincest! Hope you like it :


(A/N: Hello Suite Life fans! Long time no see. I apologize for not writing for this section lately. My mind has been focused on other projects. Plus because of the lack of feedback on my last two stories, I had lost my confidence. But after some kind words from one of my reviewers, I got the courage to write again. I really hope you like it. Please let me know what you think. Take care. Love, Ellivia22)

Disclaimer: If I owned Suite Life, Zack would've dated London instead of Maya. This song "Go Ahead and Cry" belongs to The Righteous Brothers

Dedication: I dedicate this story to Silvertail5. Thank you for your encouraging words. I greatly appreciate it :)

******Go Ahead and Cry**

******By: Ellivia22**

******Cody**

The elevator door opens revealing the 23rd floor. I'm almost home. After adjusting the bag on my shoulder I grab my suitcase and head down the hall towards the suite. I can't wait to set up the gold trophy that Bailey and I won at the Mathlympics and then recover from jetlag. There's something I have to do first. Something that can't wait.

Once I enter the suite I drop my bag next to my suitcase by the door. I don't bother announcing my arrival. It's late afternoon. Mom's at rehearsal and has a couple of shows right after. Zack doesn't get home from work until late. It's nice to have the suite to myself for a different reason this time than just being by myself for a little while. It gives me plenty of time to search for answers. Answers of what Zack has been doing while I was gone.

Even though I was all the way in Washington D.C. competing in the Mathlympics with Bailey I was still aware of my twin every second. I was able to feel every emotion that he felt just as strong as if he was in the same room as me.

**__****(Love can make a young boy into a man)**

**__****(But a broken heart can change a young man back into a boy again)**

The whole five days I was gone, I could feel Zack's deep anguish increase rapidly as the days went by. Lately Zack has been able to shield his thoughts from me, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out what is wrong with him. His heart is still broken from his break up with Maya. I've tried talking to him about it in efforts to make him feel better, but he avoids the subject. I can't stand the fact that my twin is feeling like this. What concerns me the most is the faint pain I felt on my arms while I was in D.C. I hope with all my being that Zack wasn't doing what I think he's doing. There are much better ways to deal with a broken heart.

**__****You're not the first man to cry**

**__****When things have gone wrong**

**__****You're only human, you're only so strong**

**__****(It takes one) Little tear to knock a big man down**

**__****(It takes one) Broken heart to keep him down on the ground**

**__****It takes three little words, to make him stand again**

**__****(Stand again)**

I head straight to the back of the suite and into our bedroom. Most people think Zack is hard to read, but to me he's like an open book. That's another advantage of being his twin. I know where he hides everything.

Dropping to my knees I reach under his bed and pull out the white shoe box. I know this is where he keeps all the things that are valuable to him. I doubt he knows that I know about it.

Some of the things in the box I recognize such as a picture of Maddie in her prom dress, the infamous baseball Mr. Moseby caught for us during the Yankees/Red Sox game, various pictures of us growing up. Then there are items he must've just recently added: a picture of Maya, the program for our senior prom, and a poem in Maya's handwriting.

In the right hand corner of the box is a white cloth with red dots on it. I pull it out in curiosity. My heart starts pounding in horror as I examine it. Those aren't red dots. They're bloodstains. I hold my breath as I open the cloth. Nestled in my hands is a sharp razor blade, covered in blood. The smell makes me realize that the cloth is covered in more blood than I originally thought. My stomach churns in nausea. This confirms my suspicions.

I lean against the bed, my eyes shut wearily. I can't believe that of all people Zack would be the one to hurt himself. Doesn't he know that self mutilation is an action that not only just relieves the pain temporarily, but can become an addiction. From the number of times that I've felt pain, I know he's done it five times. I thought he knew that there are other ways to deal with a broken heart.

Now that I think about it, Zack has always had a hard time dealing with his emotions. Usually he would pretend that nothing is bothering him. It seems that this time the emotions are too powerful for him to handle.

Once I recover from the initial shock of everything I get to my feet. I'm going to destroy this blade and hide every sharp object in the suite. It's time for Zack to deal with this break up the right way.

**__****So go ahead and cry, go ahead and cry**

**__****Go ahead and cry**

******Zack**

___Where is it? _I think frantically, searching through my white box. My hands rummage through the various items that I've collected over the years but no luck. ___Where the hell is it?_

My heart pounds in anxiety as I am unable to locate the item I'm searching for. This is probably a sign that I shouldn't be doing what I am planning to do but at the moment I don't care. This is something I need to do once a day to lessen the anguish I feel. It is almost unbearable today. I've got to get rid of it somehow. This is the only way I can think of. Luckily Mom has been working a lot the past couple of days and I wear long sleeves at work. The more I do it though, the harder it's going to be for me to hide them.

I pick up the picture of Maya almost as if in a trance. When we were dating I would stare at her picture constantly. I always felt like the luckiest guy in the world because I was dating her. Now when I look at her face and beautiful brown hair in the photograph I feel an invisible blade stab me in the heart. I feel the tears come to my eyes but once again I force them back. I'm a man. I'm not supposed to show that anything's bothering me. I'm not supposed to cry, no matter how much I want to. I didn't think moving on was going to be this hard.

___I just don't think a long distance relationship is fair for either one of us_

I drop the picture back into the box quickly as if it was on fire. My heart breaks even more if that's possible. I am about to search the box again but then I remember that I have an extra set of blades in my backpack. I grab my bag from beside the bed and search through it. Not there either. Where in the hell did I put them?

"Looking for something?"

I glance up. Leaning against the doorway his arms folded, is my younger brother, Cody. I had forgotten that he was coming home from D.C. today. I notice that he's not smiling. On the contrary I've never seen his face so grim. As I stare into his eyes of blue I realize that he knows exactly what I'm looking for and he was the one who took them.

I get to my feet. Adverting my eyes, I change the subject so I won't have to talk about what I was planning to do. "Glad you're back, Codes. How was your trip? Did you and Bailey win?"

"Bailey and I won all right," Cody says in a surprisingly calm voice. He takes a step towards me. "We won by at least ten points. As for the rest of my trip, it was fine except one moment every day. I think you know exactly what moment that I'm talking about."

I seem to have lost my voice. I stand as still as a statue when he stops right in front of me. My chest burns in guilt. I had forgotten about the connection that we still have. That means he felt every mark I made.

Silently Cody grabs my arms and holds them out. His face falls as he looks at the red scratches: two on one arm, three on the other. After a moment he releases them, sighing. "Zack, I know that Maya broke your heart. I know how strongly you're hurting. But this is not the way you deal with it."

My attention focuses on the floor. I am too ashamed to look at my twin. He's absolutely right, as usual. "I know. You're right. It's just, I've never felt like this before. I don't know how to deal with it."

"I've gone through a lot more break ups than you. Though each of them took a while for me to recover from, I've learned a lot from each one. I've come to find that the easiest way to start healing is by talking about it and letting out my emotions. I know you think that being emotional is unmanly, but to me, showing emotion proves that you're human."

My eyes return to focus on my brother. I never thought of it that way. I swallow hard. "I'm not good at expressing myself."

Cody smiles slightly. "Believe me, I know. But I'm willing to help you get through this quicker if you let me. We can do more things together, spend time with our friends. Doing these things will help keep her out of your mind. And when you're ready, you'll find someone else."

**__****Love is so easy to play, but so hard to win**

**__****You're still a young man, your heart will love again**

**__****(It takes one) little kiss from her sweet tender lips**

**__****(It takes one) Gentle touch from her soft finger tips**

**__****It takes more than one tear, to mend a broken heart**

**__****(A broken heart)**

Before I can say anything else Cody pulls me into his arms for a tight hug. It feels weird being comforted by my younger brother, but I don't mind. In fact I feel sort of protected. I feel the last of my strength give out. Emotions start pouring from me almost faster than I can handle. Tears start falling from my eyes and onto his shoulder. I don't have the ability to stop them. At first I feel ashamed that I'm showing so much emotion, but slowly start to relax. Now I feel relieved. The hurt is diminishing faster than the blade ever did.

**__****So go ahead and cry, go ahead and cry**

**__****Go ahead and cry, go ahead, go ahead**

**__****Go ahead and cry**

**__****When you're feelin' blue I want you to (Cry)**

**__****Don't be ashamed to (Cry)**

He rubs my back gently. "It'll be okay. I promise."

A few minutes later I am calm enough to speak again. I'm grateful to have a brother who would stick by my side even in my worst moments. "I love you so much," I mumble into his shoulder.

His grip tightens. "I love you, too."

When we pull away a few moments later, Cody gives me a look that says quite plainly ___If you do that to yourself again I'm going to kill you_.

For the first time in days, I smile. ___I won't, _I say in his mind.

Cody squeezes my shoulder gently. "Between all this emotional stuff and the crappy airplane food , I'm famished. What do you say I make us wrapped hot dogs and chocolate pudding for dessert?"

My grin widens. Of all the recipes that Cody's created, this one is my favorite. "Sounds good to me."

I follow my twin into the kitchen, my mind off Maya for the time being. I will think about her again, but I know that Cody will be there to help me through it.

******The End.**

******Thanks for reading. Please review :)**


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